Dancing With the Nobodies
April 13, 2009, 5:32 pm
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Watching über-mumsy Susan Boyle leave judges and audience alike completely gobsmacked on Britain’s Got Talent, I remembered my idea for a summer replacement for Dancing With the Stars.  It would be called Dancing With the Nobodies (copyright © 2009 Dena Tarlin), and in my version the professional dancers would be the stars and their partners would be regular folks like you and me.  There would of course be a broad spectrum of contestants, one of the broadest of which I am proposing should be yours truly.  Not only do I have a story to tell, but I can shake it like a polar0id picture.  The most daunting challenges would be trying to coordinate myself with a partner and trying to boogie in high heels, but at my height I’m but a short plunge to the floor.

Moreover, I want dibs on the first season of my show because it is mine and belongs to me.  I call Maksim for my partner, too, because I am the big cheese and what I say goes.


Make no mistake about it girls and boys, this manly hunk of  manhood is all mine.

Speaking of things that are all mine like the idea for this show, let’s return to Susan Boyle for a moment.  In fact, let’s watch the clip (embedding is disabled, but just click the linkie).  People love an underdog, which is why I would be the perfect contestant for Dancing With the Nobodies ©.  I was a hometown reject who went on to make something of herself in the big city, and not only do I wear hearing aids in both ears, but I’m also a breast cancer survivor.  There is also a recession angle, as I went back to school and got a Masters in Library and Information Science after I finished my cancer treatment but I now can’t find a job and am struggling to make ends meet.  I take care of my daughter, sell books on eBay, do a bit of freelance proofreading on the side, and come up with absurd concepts that just may be fricking brilliant.

And as long as we are talking about things that are fricking brilliant, let’s not forget Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s Beckoning of Lovely project.   As a Supremely Excellent Judge (Chicago-based Panel), I would present yet another angle to be exploited for publicity.  This project will presumably be ongoing for some time and will eventually result in a feature film.  The possibilities for cross-promotion between the two projects could only enhance both efforts, don’t you think?

All of the above is well and good, but they do not in themselves justify my participation.  The main reason why I think I would kick ass on Dancing With the Nobodies © is that I am a bit of a savant when it comes to dancing.  I have never taken lessons because I’m a bit afraid of it, but I’ve found the best way to handle these fears and apprehensions is to roll up one’s sleeves and plunge right in.  As a drummer’s daughter, I have always had a natural sense of rhythm and can move to any music.  My pins also look nice in high heels, although I could stand to lose a few pounds.  Come to think of it, the show might help me with that as well.

I don’t know if Dancing With the Nobodies © will be picked up, but I think folks would watch this show for the same reason they are scrambling to post and watch Susan Boyle on YouTube as fast as the copyright holders can pull the clip.  As much as the celebrities brave enough to appear on Dancing With the Stars are challenged to learn a new skill and exhibit grace under pressure, they mostly have to do that sort of thing every day.   To see “nobodies” like yours truly undergo the same challenges and triumphs would make truly riveting TV.  So much so that I would probably still watch the show if I wasn’t on it, preferably whilst counting the money I would make for my idea that is mine, sitting in a house where water is not dripping on my head from a leaky ceiling.

As for Susan Boyle, I hope she wins the whole shebang and leaves all those who laughed at her dreams in the dust, because she’s awesome.   Anyone who can make Simon Cowell smile like that has my official seal of approval, and so it is.

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